I am a cliché.
So I'm writing this blog, the very first blog on this website, the first blog I've written in a long while, a brief art history of me if you like and I'm Trying to not start it by saying.. ' I've been drawing ever since I could hold a pencil ' .. But how else can I start it? I am the cliché, Drawing since I could hold a pencil, I think... Does anyone really remember that far back? those early age memories of scribbling on some paper or molding some Play-Doh and inevitably getting it stuck in the carpet and trying to hide it from your mum. Do artists say ' Drawing since I could hold a pencil.' Because they genuinley remember or just because it's something we just learn to say as artists, for some reason? As if by not saying it, it would suggests we aren't qualified or we aren't dedicated enough.
When I was younger, I spent a lot of time outside, the Teenage years are a blur of laying on the grass, getting up to things we really shouldn't have been and falling out over the smallest of things but making up almost immediately. As quiet and out of place as I felt most of the time, my friends were awesome but I don't ever remember talking heavily with them about my art or what kind of art career I wanted, I don't know if that means anything, maybe it was just because I was a shy kid and felt like everyone would laugh at me if I said how much I wanted to be a fashion designer, a fashion designer that stayed away from the cliché skinny supermodel mold or later on when I wanted my own art gallery where I could show my work and invite other to exhibit their work...Of course that wouldn't have been the case, and I'm pretty sure they would have thought it all sounded extremely cool, probably asking if they would get some cool clothes out of it no doubt. There's a massive section here in the middle when I went to college for the first time doing a basic art BTEC diploma, of which I almost didn't get accepted due to getting a D grade in my G.C.S.E's, so I bribed lecturer with a sketchbook full of dragon illustrations ( It was a thing. It happened.) After that I went to Greece for a year out that turned into 5, At this time in my life I had no focus on what I wanted to do artwise.. well Life wise really, I had no medium, no art style, no idea about future art projects or a career, No real thought about art at all and as much as I don't want to talk about this part of my life as I genuinely think of it as a failure for my art and a waste of time that I could have put towards a better art career, in some way this has helped shape who I am and what my art has become. Maybe if this section if life right here didn't happen then I wouldn't have been in this exact place right now.
Jump forward, I'm back in the Uk but in a different county far away from where I grew up and unsure of what it is I'm going to do, So I do what most people who have no clue where their life is going... I went back to College. I started a type of reintroduction to higher education course in Art and went on an adventure, lets say, to find me in the art world. I should say at this point that I was teetering on the fence of traditional and digital, 2 of my favourite artists Jamie Hewlett (Tank Girls, Gorillaz) and Lois Van Baarle had amazing digital work that really inspired me, yet I didn't know if I wanted to focus all my energy learning new techniques with digital art when I didn't think I'd even worked out the basics of Traditional yet, thus starting a life balancing pretty badly on the fence of traditional and digital art. After the Joys that college threw at me, I decided a contemporary art course would give me the type of art education I really wanted, Something that offered different disciplines but also gave me the freedom to focus on whatever I wanted and in turn help me narrow down exactly what I wanted out of art and a career in art. The end of the 2nd year arrives, and I've gained a foundation degree but perhaps only a small insite into what I wanted to do. I knew I wanted my future to include digital illustration, but I didn't want to do it exclusively and the idea of owning my own store was still there but I hadn't really chiseled in a game plan, I hadn't worked out how I was Going to make this happen nor how long it was going to take, So after uni I just, * Insert something deep and meaningful here * Jokes aside, I felt alittle lost, Uni was suppose to be the start of something big, the start of my art career and firstly and the most important thing, it was suppose to be where I figured out my main discipline, what I would specialise in but that's just not what happened for me, most of my classmates yes but not me. After uni, I put my all into digital illustration and every so often delving in to other mediums, I created a twitch channel and a website and just concentrated on getting better in whatever medium I tried, I started my own business selling prints, T-shirts and other products and also opened up for commissions - my idea was that even if I didn't know what I wanted to do or how I was going to do it, I was going to do something, anything... What really happened though was that I figured out that this, what I was already doing, was what I wanted to do. This was what I was looking for all along. (would you look at that for a cliché.)
Prehaps ' Drawing since I could hold a pencil ' doesn't apply to me, maybe false memories or imposter syndrome tells me that's what I should be saying, who knows, what I do know is that I had a misconception of artists, I thought artists knew from the very beginning who they were and what they wanted to do, that there was no doubt in their mind and no hesitation on which courses or mediums they would choose to futher them in this career but this is not the case for every artist, some take their whole lives figuring out where they belong others find it at an early age, sometimes you find it in full time education and other times you find it at 4 in the morning, having totally wrecked your living room with indian inks trying to follow a youtube video, or scrolling through instagram and pinterest or traveling across europe. Point is do not believe that you will never find where you belong, in art or in life, just because everyone around you already has and do not become disheartened because of age or money. You WILL find it, I promise.